Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Dumped After A Month. Now What?

You just started dating someone regularly enough to tell your friends that you're "seeing someone" when you get the text message telling you it's over. Seriously? You can't understand what went wrong. You were having a great time just hanging out together and  the newness of the relationship has brought about some hot times in the bedroom. It doesn't make sense. Why do fledgling relationships seem to always breakdown after a month?

What's up with that?

It's probably because a month or so is just about the time when the novelty of being with a new person wears off and the real work of intimacy begins. People who have intimacy issues aren't able to take the pressure of being so close to someone else.  And so they'll make an (always inarticulate) list of excuses about  why they can't see you anymore. Suddenly, they can't seem to fit you into their ever expanding list of things to do that doesn't include you. And then finally when you call them out on the carpet they will deliver their regrets that they just aren't into you via voice mail or text message.

It sucks.

To make matters worse, your friends who are in successful relationships tell you to just move on. They make it sound like the matter is as easy as picking out which fast food restaurant to drive-thru for lunch. The Taco Bell line is too long, then move on to McDonald's. But you know that your hurt feelings are telling you that it's just not that easy. Especially if the person you were in a relationship with for a month has left you with unanswered questions about how the relationship failed, what's wrong with you, and why everything went wrong when everything seemed so right.

What's next?

"Just move on." When your well-meaning friends say it, it doesn't mean they think you should jump into another relationship or start dating someone new right away. It means you should continue to have a relationship with yourself and move forward in your own life. Take the time you need to lick your own wounds. Don't discount a relationship just because it only lasted a short time. Rejection is rejection. It hurts! Go shopping and splurge a little! Treat yourself to a spa day or the big-screen television you've been wanting. Now is not the time for restraint.

Let it be over.

If the relationship is over, then let it be over. Don't call just to say "hi." Don't return their call when (and there is no "if" about this) they call to revisit you, and see how you're doing. You don't have to be friends with the person who dumped you, and they have proven that they're not able to be in a relationship with you at this time. So, let it be over.

Look forward.

Life is a roller coaster. The rough patches are there to make the good times seem all that much better. Know that your future holds the best time of your life and hold onto that thought. Love yourself and the people who love you.  Living well truly is the best revenge.

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