Friday, June 13, 2014

10 Things Men Like About Breasts By David M. Matthews

As you are well-aware, men’s love affair with the female breast goes back centuries, perhaps to the beginning of time (before chomping on the apple, Adam may not have known the significance of Eve’s frontal accoutrements, but he knew what he liked).  Guys go out of their way to get a glimpse of them at every opportunity, and spend obscene amounts of hard-earned cash just to watch nubile hotties bare their bounteous assets in seedy, sweaty, prurient palaces, ironically referred to as, “gentlemen’s clubs.”  Such is our complete infatuation with your blessed bosom.

But why this udder devotion?  And what specifically draws us to your mellifluous mammaries?   Read on as I try to offer a little insight into mans’ magnificent obsession.

1) We like how your breasts look:  Contrary to what you may think, regardless
of size, we find your boobs fascinating.  Whether they’re large and luxurious or small and sporty, we’re hot for your hooters.  And while individual men may have a preference for a particular size or shape, overwhelmingly we’re enticed by your charms, be they pendulous or pert, pouty or protuberant.

2) We like how they feel:  It’s hard to say specifically why they feel so nice, but nonetheless they do.  Touch them and feel for yourself.  There’s nothing else quite like them.  That’s why, given the opportunity, we can’t resist putting our hands (or other body parts) on them (with your consent, of course) whenever they happen to be in the neighborhood. 

3) We like to watch them dance:  Almost as much as seeing and touching them, we like to watch them in motion.  The way they shake when you move, bobble when you walk, or bounce when you jump, commands our attention almost as much as a half-court shot at the buzzer (and you know how we love our basketball).  And women jumping on trampolines…well, that just reaffirms our belief in Heaven.

4) We like how they work as a team:  Some things are just meant to come in pairs:  Socks, shoes, fang marks from your favorite Twilight hunk.  And your “girls” are a member of this wonderfully co-dependent group.  While they are individually lovely, together they create one of nature’s most awesome vistas – cleavage. 

5) We like them as a pillow:  Life is tough.  And at the end of a day in the trenches of adulthood, nothing is as comforting a resting place for our weary heads, as the cushion of your bosom.  Cradled in the calming warmth of your natural upholstery, we can relax and regroup, ready to face the world anew, our spirit magically restored.

6) We like them as a handle:  Face it; there are some sexual positions where your breasts are perfectly placed to help us hold on as things heat up.  And though we often don’t absolutely need to hold onto them to prevent us from falling off the bed, or worse, losing our rhythm, why leave them out of our love-play?  After all, they’re a treasured part of your anatomy, and we don’t want them to feel lonely, neglected or ignored.  Men are extraordinarily considerate that way.

7) We like them as an information system:  Now, to your nipples.  How we love them.  Not only for their inherent beauty - perfectly accessorizing your fashionable frontage – but also for their incredible communication skills.  When you’re clothed and we see them, they tell us you’re bra-less (or at least wearing a very sheer, sexy bra).  When they stand erect they tell us either you’re experiencing a chill or are very happy to see us (or someone else), or both.  And one thing’s for sure: when they talk, we listen!

8) We like their mystery:  From the time we first become aware of them, breasts fascinate us – not only what we see – but what we don’t.  Untold numbers of hours are spent imagining what those beautifully mysterious mounds under your clothing actually look like.  And when we finally do get to behold them “in the flesh,” we are rarely disappointed.  And afterward, though the particular mystery of what your breasts look like has been solved, there are billions more as-yet-unseen breasts for us to ponder and speculate about.  Ahh, sweet mystery of life.

9) We like their curviness:  Ideally anyway, men are angular, hard and defined.  Our shape (when we’re “in shape,” that is) is not given to graceful curves or comforting cushiness.  Women, on the other hand, are naturally more curvaceous – something we greatly appreciate.  And the soft swell of your breasts perfectly enhance the rest of the feminine figure.  In other words, you’re curvy where we’re flat…and viva la difference!

10) We like how they just plain make us feel better:  I’m sure you’re aware of studies that have shown definitively that people who have pets live longer, healthier lives.  What you may not know is that recent findings indicate that looking at breasts for as little as fifteen minutes a day actually has a similar, healthy and longevity-enhancing impact on men.  Now, I’m certainly not comparing women’s breasts to our furry family friends – although we do like when either are nuzzled up against us or available for petting.  But it’s exciting to learn that it is now scientifically proven that just beholding  your up-top attributes on a daily basis can add years to our lives…in addition to adding a spring to our step.  You just gotta love science!

Well, if you had any doubts about how strongly guys feel about your breasts, I hope I’ve eliminated them.  We love ‘em, cherish ‘em, can’t get enough of ‘em.  And luckily for us, they’re attached to one of the few things in this world that we love, value and desire even more than them – you.

David M. Matthews is the author of “Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider’s Guide to How Men Think,” and has been dispensing relationship advice (sometimes solicited) for the better part of the Millennium.  The writer of many popular relationship columns, David has also been known to give dating and love advice on popular radio talk shows, spanning the globe.  In addition, he privately coaches people on dating, sex and relationships.  When he’s not telling people how to live their lives, this Emmy-winning composer works extensively in Hollywood as a writer, producer, and director for features films and network television.

© 2011 David M. Matthews.  All rights reserved.

1 comment:

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