"You will never be sexy, no matter what," my boyfriend said the night he broke up with me. "You’re sweet and kind, but a man wants a woman who’s sexy." What was left of my fragile self-esteem was crushed like a potato chip topping on a tuna noodle casserole.
What is sexy?
I knew what my boyfriend thought was sexy. He had shamefully admitted late one night to his undying passion for a Japanese anime character with pink neon hair and breasts the size of Volkswagens. When she took off her glasses, she went from brainy astrophysicist to love-starved sex kitten.
I had been raised to be hard-working and kind to animals. No one had every said anything about being sexy. I couldn’t take off my glasses and be sexy. I couldn’t see without my glasses, and I wouldn’t know sexy if it ran me over with a truck.
A few weeks later, I stopped into my favorite coffee shop, I saw an advertisement on the bulletin board for stripper and pole dance lessons. I took a step back. There was no way. I didn't have a perfect body. I was innately clumsy. My sweaty thighs would probably stick to the pole and create a squeak so loud that herds of wild buffalo grazing on the plains of Wyoming would start to stampede. There was absolutely no way I would ever sign up for a pole dance class.
I went any way, and I made the girl behind the counter promise me that whatever happened she wouldn’t call my mother as I filled out the emergency contact information. The women in the class came in all shapes and sizes and the instructor was bright-eyed and bouncy.
Pole dancing takes a lot of upper arm strength, and the first time I tried it, I just sort of hung there like a big fat freshly-caught tuna. I was headed out the door when the instructor caught up with me. She didn’t seem to accept my failure as easily as I had.
"I can’t do this," I told her. "My ex-boyfriend, told me I wasn’t sexy. "
"Then you better thank your lucky stars that you got rid of that dead wood," she said, "because six weeks from now, when you’ve got it all going on, you’ll need to have someone in your life who’s worthy of the tease."
My ex-boyfriend made it sound like being sexy was like being pregnant; either you are, or you aren’t. It took me a long time before I realized that “sexy” is a subjective term.
Still not sure?
Here are three great reasons why you should try a stripper pole class just once in your life:
- It's a killer work out.
- It's a great dance class.
- And it can go a long way toward making you feel like you've got it all going on.
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