5 Tips for Putting Sexual Topics on the Table

Our culture has created a wealth of taboo subjects and masturbation is merely one of them.  Whether wanting to discuss living out a fantasy together, trying a new sex position, experimenting with anal sex, or asking about getting tested for STDs, how does one broach the topic without sounding like you are unhappy with the present state of your relationship or without fearing rejection of your ideas?

In our last article “The Only Consent I Need Is My Own…”, we mention open communication and we say this often--open, honest communication drives intimacy.  While it should be easy to discuss sex with your partner, it isn’t always so simple. Even couples who have been together a long time can find it difficult to bring up new topics since people’s needs change over time.

How do you bring up that saucy subject? Here are some tips to remember before you start the discussion:

1.Have a Goal: First be clear on your own goals for the topic and how you feel. Do some self-reflection to understand what it is you really want, need, or desire and know where you might want to end up before you begin.  Stay focused on the topic.  Don’t allow other issues to creep into the conversation.

2.Find the Right Place and Time: Try to wait until you are at home or somewhere private.  If necessary, make a date or appointment to talk about it. Talking about sex in a public place may make your partner feel uncomfortable. It is better to do it somewhere that you can make eye contact and give it your full attention.  In the car while driving is not a good time or place for this. Don’t start the conversation if it’s time for the kids to take a bath, or your partner just stepped into the house from a long day at work. Stress and exhaustion could lead you down a negative result when all you wanted was a clear, frank discussion about your wants and needs.

3.Use Neutral Language: Don’t use any confrontational language or finger pointing.  Be sure any topic you bring up is in the nature of exploration and state up front that you are trying to make your wants, needs, and desires heard and that you will feel better in your relationship if you are allowed the opportunity.

4.Explain What You Want (and/or Don’t Want).  Be specific.  If you aren’t exactly sure what you want, now would be a good time to go through a yes, no, maybe list.  What is that?  Your new best friend.  Check out one of our favorites from blogger SmartHotFun Becca.  Ask your partner to fill out the chart as well.  It is a quick way to determine what your playing field really is. Everyone is different in terms of what turns them on and what turns them off. The better you become at communicating these things to each other, the easier it is for them to help you fulfill them.  Remember to respect what is a turn off to them.

5.Above All – Listen.  Once the conversation is started, it is important that you listen with respect and wait before responding.  Often miscommunications arise when one thinks they understand and jump in to explain and that makes people get defensive.  Wait. Listen. Relax. And if you have chosen the right time, refrained from defensive or accusatory language, the discussion should go better.

Conversation starters:

What would you think if I wanted to _____?

How often do you think about sex?

How would you feel if you found me watching porn without you? Turned on? Upset?

Tell me about a sexual fantasy you haven’t told me about before.

What was has been our hottest sexual experience together?

What is the most erotic thing two people can do together?

I feel like our sex life could be more exciting if we could try _________.  How do you feel about that?

Lori S. Choi, Blogger for Wet Personal Lubricants 
Learn more at www.stayswetlonger.com 

Masturbation, The Only Consent I Need Is My Own

In case you didn’t know, May is Masturbation Month and in honor of this most excellent celebration, we decided to run a contest to find the best euphemisms for one of our favorite pastimes. This led me down a path of self-discovery.

I love masturbation as a pastime.  It’s free, it’s safe and it’s the one thing in your life where you have total say over when you want it, where you want it, how you want it, and how long you want to do it.

Yes, it qualifies as a pastime, as many sex toy reviewers will attest.  They spend whole days trying out all sorts of vibrators and accessories and write lengthy blogs raving about their favorites.  Epiphora just blogged recently that she has back-up toys for her back-up toys.

Wikipedia defines masturbation as the sexual stimulation of one's own genitals.  That could mean that you are stimulating yourself by yourself or you could be stimulating yourself while being intimate with someone else.  There is an art to stimulating yourself and many people become highly skilled at it.  Your partner can learn a lot about you from watching you master your craft.  For the majority of women, clitoral stimulation is necessary to achieve orgasm.  For some, it is physically impossible to climax with just penetration and the famed G-spot is not always easy to stimulate so many women “take it into their own hands” during intercourse to get the stimulation they need. 

Pleasuring oneself by oneself used to be considered the height of taboo and in some cultures this is still a serious no-no but that doesn’t seem to stop so many people from enjoying themselves…literally.  When I decided to write on this topic, I Googled it to get a deeper understanding of where we are on the subject.   It was interesting to see that religious sites opining a variety of thoughts on masturbation popped up frequently.  Many with healthier views than I would have imagined.  There were also a slew of sites advocating the practice for health and pleasure.  Mainstream publications such as Cosmopolitan, People, Glamour, Redbook, Women’s Health Magazine, and Men’s Health Magazine routinely discuss the topic in positive ways, yet, there remains a strong puritanical stance against the idea of masturbation and these publications are often criticized for their content.  With all of this information at our fingertips, why do we still giggle like sixth graders at the phrase Jerkin’ the Gherkin?

We find the need to create euphemisms and expressions for masturbation in order to even mention this strongly tabooed subject.  These euphemisms have been finding their way into pop culture for decades. Take The Sex Pistols’ ‘Friggin’ in the Riggin’ for example, the song’s title is a nod to a sailor’s self-delight and it includes another slang phrase commonly used in the U.K., ‘Wanking in the Planking’.  Those raucous young lads were edgy.  Euphemisms like these are still in use today because the topic still makes us generally uncomfortable.  This is why we came up with the Masturbation May contest.  We hope to help reduce the stigma associated with masturbation.

Why the taboo?  For one, religious thought has historically been that masturbation goes against God’s plan for procreation. That any spilled seed is wasted when the act of masturbation is performed. (It was thought that even vaginal secretions contained the seeds of life.)  And it was also commonly thought that masturbation was highly addictive.  Therefore, if masturbation was not ‘nipped in the bud’ so to speak, then it could create all sorts of problems.  If the masses were too busy pleasuring themselves then they couldn’t become highly-functioning citizens contributing to the greater good.  Or, it was thought that if you are too busy masturbating, then having sex for procreation may never happen. And we all know how ‘under-populated’ the world is. Right?

Let’s face it, if it feels good, then, why not?  The stigma of masturbation seems to be inching its way towards greater acceptance in this culture.  But, while a majority of men have no problems with it, it is still considered a tough subject for some. Maybe they got caught in the act at a young age which resulted in fear and anxiety.  But, while it is practically expected of most men, it is still considered a tough subject for some women.  Some prefer to do it only in private, some with their partners, but make no mistake, women do it.

Discussing and encouraging self-pleasure can be daunting for some, while other couples are completely open and honest about their masturbation habits.  As always, communication is the key for any healthy sexual relationship.  Your partner may have different needs than you do in this arena and it is healthy to talk about it. Masturbating is an important part of life and there are many benefits. When couples have been together for a long time, it can manage the libido differences between partners. A heterosexual married man may partake in masturbation in order to get sexual release when his partner is unable to--due to recent childbirth, for example. For a new mother, masturbation is often the first type of sex she has after childbirth because of the fear or readiness of having penetrating sex too soon upon delivery.

For those not in a relationship or those who prefer to stay celibate, it is a natural expression of self-love and a healthy outlet for fantasies. Orgasms have been shown to reduce stress, decrease depression and certainly help avoid STIs. For men, orgasms may even prevent prostate cancer! All single people out there should be reaping the benefits of orgasms!

OK, in case you still want to giggle like a sixth grader…some of the phrases submitted to our Masturbation May contest included:  Spank the monkey, Hit the clit, I’m off to give the kitty some overdue attention, I’m going downstairs to stroke my ego, Buff the banana and Burp the worm. And make no mistake, this is not a purely American thing. Many other countries have their own euphemisms.  The French say “Tirer la pipe” which translates to pull the pipe, Mexican’s say, “Me fui a mi casa con Manuela”, I went home with Manuela (my hand), and I love the German “Fünf gegen einen”, five against one.  Suffice it to say, they all mean the same thing… “I’m off to…Polish the Pearl or Master my Domain.”

 

Feel free to Google 'Masturbation' for yourself and start your own self-discovery.  Let’s see if we can get the topic trending and really give it the attention it deserves.  

Carry on…and #LubeYourTube.



Try award-winning Wet wOw Clitoral Arousal Gel. Intimate stimulation like touching or rubbing enhances the effectiveness of Wet® wOw™ and with regular use, women have been known to scream “OMG WOW”.

Lori S. Choi, Blogger for Wet Personal Lubricants

Let's Play Name "Spank the Monkey" -- In Honor of May Being Masturbation Month

Give us your favorite expression for the act of masturbation! And you could win, more lube than you can imagine! Good Luck!

When you Tweet, use the #LubeYourTube and give us the name or phrase that best describes it for you...the winner will be announced in June!

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Tips to Spring Clean Your Relationship and Start the Season Fresh (and Frisky)

Winter weather is behind us and the signs of Spring are everywhere: temperatures rising, buds budding, birds chirping, and bees buzzing. Now’s the time to Spring clean our homes—and also our relationships.

“Whether you’re in a new relationship…or feel like you’ve been together forever, it’s time to take a step back and assess what’s working and what’s not,” says Madeleine Castellanos, MD, Manhattan relationship guru and sex therapist. “If something isn’t working, and you’re feeling less than connected to your partner you might try some simple refresher tips to help bring you and your partner closer together,” she advises.

Below are some insightful tips from Dr. Castellanos to spring clean your relationship and restore the sparks of passion. After all, Spring is the season of Amore…and love is in the air!

1. Find new interests together. Maybe you don’t do enough fun stuff together any more. Or maybe your outings have fallen into a rut. Take some time and find new activities a deux—a sport or a hobby like Argentine Tango, square dancing, or golf. Sometimes just making a simple choice for a regular “date night” can inspire new closeness.
2. Set aside time to fantasize. Share your fantasies with your partner or keep them to yourself. Bottom line: fantasizing is a great way to prime the pump for your heart and passion to soar. Don’t be afraid to push the envelope a little! There’s no judgment in the world of imagination.
3. Listen to your partner’s wants, needs and desires.  You don’t have to fulfill all of them, but you do need to listen. Also, feel free to whisper sweet, spicy messages that you don’t usually say out loud. The ears are located close to the brain for a reason—so use that pathway to flip the “turn on” switch in your partner’s brain!
4. Get back into gazing into each other’s eyes. Taking a couple of minutes every day to do this can communicate your deepest feelings without words. It actually helps to align your heart and mind with your partner’s in the subtlest way. In other words, dare to stare!
5. Reach out and connect. A simple phone call at lunch to say, ‘I miss you’ can make your lover’s whole day; a sexy text message can prime you both for an evening of intimacy; and a meaningful touch on the arm or even hand-holding while walking the dog, can really restore your connection. Don’t underestimate the power of touch for physical, emotional, and sexual healing.

Get Organized with New Bedroom Supplies

1. Spring clean your bedroom routine. Stuck with the same-old/same-old between the sheets? Try something new, such as sexy lingerie, enticingly fragrant Inttimo by Wet™ aromatherapy massage and bath oils, and Wet® Flavored™ Gel Lubricants—which really add a new level of sizzle to a hum-drum bedroom routine.
2. Find fresh adventures together. Spring is the perfect time to celebrate love. Pack your weekend get-away bag and don’t forget to bring some romantic gifts, gastronomic delicacies, Wet® Platinum® lube (the long-lasting, condom-compatible type that never dries up or gets sticky), and a copy of Getaway Guide to the Great Sex Weekend by Dr. Pepper Schwartz. Also, take along Dr. Lauren Streicher’s newly published Love Sex Again!
3. Add some natural aphrodisiacs to heat up your life. Dark chocolate, hot chilies, garlic, oysters, pomegranates, and the Peruvian root Maca, are all known to be time-tested love-enhancers. Don’t hold back…feed them liberally to your mate, and you may become the main course!

So, now that the chill of winter is over and the coolness of spring is here you know what that means...the sizzling heat of summer is just around the corner.  Why wait? Gear up for summer fun now, get busy, change routines, and get frisky.

Sex Myth's Busted – Oral Sex Is NOT exactly Safe Sex, But It Can Be Safer Sex With These Tips!

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Sex Myth’s Busted: Anal Sex Is Only For Gay Men & Anal Sex Hurts

Although not everyone has experienced anal sex, once tried, those we talk to about it often wonder afterwards why they hadn’t tried it before.  It is not uncommon for Wet Personal Lubricants to be asked via a Direct Message on Facebook or Twitter (@WetTogether) what to expect the first time when having anal sex. This is a subject you must discuss openly with your partner, so once you the two of you agree to the when and where’s, here are a few answers to those burning questions, before you go uh….there.

1.    “Isn’t it too dirty? I mean physically dirty there?” Many people prefer to do an enema prior to having anal sex because they think it’s going to be a dirty place.  It’s actually not as dirty as you might think. The rectum and anal canal do not typically store fecal matter.  That said, you should not penetrate the vaginal area immediately following anal sex unless the toy or penis is cleaned well with mild soap and water first to avoid any vaginal infections.

2.    “Won’t having anal sex stretch out my anus too much and cause me to have “accidents” in the future?”  This is another idea that is pure myth.  Similar to the vagina, the external and internal sphincters are flexible muscles and can accommodate various sizes without the possibility of losing complete control over them.  There is a possibility of damaging or tearing the muscles so it is important that you go slowly, relax, use lots of lubricant and stop if there is any pain.

3.    “But if I give him anal, will he want to do vaginal sex any longer?”  Yes, the anal entry is tighter than the vaginal opening, however, this is not a major concern.  Most partners, we find, want to keep their options…well, open.

4.     “Will it harm me? Will it be painful? Having sex anally?” It shouldn’t be harmful nor should it be painful.  First, take it slowly.  Second, be sure to use that one key ingredient for anal sex--personal lubricant, it should within reach say on or in your nightstand.  We recommend Wet Platinum Premium Personal Lubricant or Wet Uranus Anal Lubricant.   Wet Uranus is specifically formulated to provide the lubrication that the anus cannot create on its own.  Remember to use it liberally and often.

5.    “If I am not worried about getting pregnant, do I need to use a condom?”  We suggest that you do use a condom—every time. We always advocate safe sex, as anal sex is a high risk activity for transmitting and contracting STDs.  Talk to your doctor if you have had unprotected anal sex even if you believe yourself to be in a monogamous relationship.  Also, as previously stated, it is also a good idea to use Wet Platinum Premium Personal Lubricant on the condom; this will reduce the risk of breakage due to the vigorous use in a dry area like the anus.

Remember to always have consent before trying anal sex with your partner.  If you find this information helpful, be sure to forward it to a friend. You’d be surprised how many can benefit from an open dialog about sex.  Wet Uranus Anal Lubricant is available at most local adult boutiques or online at Buywet.com, where discreet shipping is available.




Lori S. Choi, Blogger for Wet Personal Lubricants

Sex Myths – Busted! Vaginal Dryness – It's A Problem Only For The Post-Menopausal, So Only Older Women Need Lubricants

Wrong and Busted! The belief that only post-menopausal women experience vaginal dryness is a misconception and it is important for younger women to be informed.  Vaginal dryness can occur at any age, for many reasons, and surely can be due to menopause as well.  Of course, we are partial to using lubrication during sex as it enhances sexual satisfaction no matter what the age.  But there are several important medical factors that can leave a woman needing the additional moisture.

1. Birth Control Pills – Women of all ages may be on the pill, and while a lucky few find the pill to be libido-enhancing, (most likely because the fear of getting pregnant is not on their mind and they are able to relax);  for others, taking a birth control pill can cause a drop in hormone levels that are responsible for lubrication causing vaginal dryness and in some cases painful sex.  Using lubrication on and around the vagina and on his penis will greatly enrich your experience.

2. Bike-Riding – Yeah, you know that great spin class you have that makes you lean forward? Seriously, for those who spend hours cycling: If your handle bars are too low and you find yourself leaning forward, putting too much weight on the pelvis can cause low blood supply to the vaginal area which may cut off the ability to orgasm! Don’t believe me? Click here to watch Dr. Lauren Streicher explain it all.

3. Sex After Hysterectomy – Although we hope you don’t need this procedure, if you do have to have a hysterectomy, from medical necessity, it is important to use a lubricant when having sex for the first time after this surgery.  It will make you and your partner much more comfortable and worry-free and isn’t that what great sex is all about? Leaving your worries at the door.


Wet Personal Lubricants are available in a variety of types from silicone-based, water-based, glycerin-free, and hybrids of all of these. If you have any of the medical issues above be sure to talk with your own doctor about them, but we recommend silicone-based Wet Platinum Premium Personal Lubricant for you.  It is our slickest, most long-lasting formula and it is silky smooth, doctor recommended, condom compatible and an FDA accepted medical device.  Also, it’s now kosher!  You're welcome!


by Lori S. Choi, Blogger for Wet Personal Lubricants